Ramblings

Sometimes there is just so much to say that you can't even begin to say it.  And it is all so good, or so bad, or so important, or so deep, or so mushed together in your mind that putting it into words seems quite far from possible and not appealing in the least.

But here is goes.  My mushy thoughts spewed out through my fingers.

The Lord loves me so much.  Everything He does is a desperate act through which He hopes to catch my attention.  And He loves you so much.  And He loves that man on the subway I was sitting next to today as I prayed my rosary, and the one singing to the entire train car just to get a couple cents, and the student I had dinner with.  He loves them so much.  He wants to use me to love them, but I don't let Him.  Lord, You want me to talk to this random dude with unkempt hair and a mean-looking New York demeanor?  He'll think I'm a freak.  I'd rather just secretly pray my rosary, thanks.

No.  No!  No no no!  I let it pass.  That opportunity to bring Him into the world.  To be like Mary for just one moment.  To allow Him to love others and to love me.  And why?  WHY?  Why did I let it pass?

Because I am weak.

So, so weak.

Bah.  But this is where we come back to the part about how much He loves me, because even when I fail, He still loves me and offers me a way to share in His life and allows me to enter into His Trinitarian relationship.  He gives me the chance to run to Him, and lean on Him, to unite myself to Him.  All this, still available, even when I FAIL Him.  Wow how little my love is compared to His.  Or rather, how great His love is compared to everything.